/similar_quotes/211

Showing 3 similar quotes for quote #211 from What Do You Say After You Say Hello? by Eric Berne

How Our Lives Become Stories: Making Selves
Author: Paul John Eakin
Publisher: Cornell University Press (1999)
53-54

Like Benjamin, Steedman conceives of identity as relational, and the autobiography she writes is also relational, for she believes that her mother's self and story provide the key to her own. 'Children are always episodes in someone else's narrative,' she affirms, 'not their own people, but rather brought into being for particular purposes' (122).1 In this way the familiar and perfunctory beginning of so many autobiographies - 'I was born...' - acquires a new and signal importance, for Steedman argues that her dawning recognition of the circumstances of her conception - her realization that she was neither a wanted nor a legitimate child - determined the very structure of her personality. \r\n\r\n1 /publication/67


The Origins of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind
Author: Julian Jaynes
Publisher: University of Toronto Press (1978)
450

We seem to be ashamed to talk about shame, and, indeed, as adults, we have been so shaped by shame in the past, so confined to a narrow band of socially acceptable behavior, that it is rarely occasioned. But when we think back to our childhoods, the piercing, throbbing trauma of being rejected by our peer groups, the fear of inappropriately crossing over from the private domain into the public countenance, the agony when we do, particularly in relation to sexual and excretory functions, toilet accidents of others or ourselves, but also in a milder form, in wanting to be dressed the same as other children, to receive as many valentines, and to be promoted with the rest, or have parents equal in wealth, health, or promise to the parents of others, or not to be beaten up or teased by others, sometimes even to be average in schoolwork when one is really superior — anything to be sure that one is snugly sunk deeply into one’s cohort — these are some of the most powerful and profound influences on our development. We should remember here that as we grow older, our cohort is less and less our immediate peer group and more and more our family tradition, race, religion, union, or profession, et cetera.


What Do You Say After You Say Hello?
Author: Eric Berne
Publisher: Grove Press (1972)
0

Two other slogans common among therapists are also common among the general population: 'You can't tell people what to do,' and 'I can't help you, you have to help yourself.'  Both of these are outright falsehoods.  \r\n\r\nYou can tell people what to do, and many of them will do it and do it well.  And you can help people, and they don't have to help themselves.  They merely have to get up, after you have helped them, and go about their business.  But with slogans such as those, society (and I mean all societies) encourages people to stay in their scripts and carry them through to their often tragic endings.  A script merely means that someone told the person what to do a long time ago and he decided to do it.  This demonstrates that you can tell people what to do, and are in fact telling them all the time, especially if you have children.  So if you tell people to do something other than what their parents told them, they may decide to follow your advice or instructions.  And it is well known that you can help people get drunk, or kill themselves, or kill someone else; therefore, you can also help them stop drinking, or stop killing themselves, or stop killing other people.  It is certainly possible to give people permission to do certain things, or to stop doing certain things which they were ordered in childhood to keep doing.  Instead of encouraging people to live bravely in an old unhappy world, it is possible to have them live happily in a brave new world.